One Crazy Morning

One morning when I woke up, everything seemed weird to me,
Everything in every place was not where it should be.
My shoes and coats and sweaters were all spread out on the floor,
And I swear I saw my pillow hanging from my closet door.

I’ve no clue how it got there, I guess I’ll blame my cats,
‘Cause you can’t trust anything that runs off with your hats
You can go ahead and laugh but I swear that it is true,
They even stole my TV once, don’t ask how, I have no clue.

But anyway, on with my day, I tell you, things were weird,
I walked into my parents room, my mother had a beard.
My father wore a tutu on the tip top of his head,
And both of them had somehow used the dresser for a bed.
Each of them in separate drawers, quietly counting sheep,
I decided just to leave them there, peacefully asleep.

I walked into the living room while closing both my eyes,
Thinking maybe I was dreaming, but my eyes knew otherwise.
For even with both eyes shut, I knew just what I’d see,
My furry cats had found a way to hijack the TV.

But wait, you see, there is still more, the walls have now become the floor,
And on a new sign by the door, in all caps read the word EXPLORE.
And what to do but walk through it, yes, that’s just what I did,
It lead straight to a water slide, and bottom first I slid.

Slipping and sliding downward, I saw many things were strange,
It was kind of crazy how in one night so much could change.
For one, my house had now been placed on top of a big hill,
And that makes sense since water sliding upward would take skill.

And if it was on flatter ground like my house was before,
I probably’d get nowhere, the ride would be a bore.

But anyway, downward I went, with water pushing me,
I’ll try the very best I can to list the things I see.

A monkey on the left was hanging from an olive branch,
And what looked to be a dinosaur was bathing in some ranch.
In the distance were three elephants doing a goofy dance,
Towards their right came giant mice, I should warn them in advance.

In a field on the right side were thousands of butterflies,
When I slid by, they all flew up and color filled the skies.
Below them was a masterpiece strung out on the ground,
A picture made so beautiful, the greatest ever found.
For anyone who sees it, they’d probably have their doubts,
But I tell you, I know for sure, butterflies pooped it out.

Further down the slide, I was hit by something white,
I seemed to get myself caught up in a snowball fight.
It appeared two crews of kangaroos just didn’t get along,
Both sides saying the other side was absolutely wrong.

But that’s not all, I tell you, my journey wasn’t done,
I came across a panda with a strange new type of gun.
It looked as though it could have had at least one hundred parts,
But all I saw that it could do was shoot out stinky farts.

And I’m not sure, but I swear there were five lions on the run,
From twenty rabid zebras, oh wait, maybe only one.
But, this zebra was ferocious; the meanest of them all,
Just its very size made those lions seem so small.

I had now sped up as the slide seemed near the end,
As I slid through stop signs going fast around a bend.
Now it was awfully difficult to open up my eyes,
And it felt as though quite suddenly the slide began to rise.

As fast as I was going, I just knew there was a jump,
So I prayed that I’d land safely, not mangled in a clump.
Sure enough, I found myself now soaring through the air,
And flying with two wings of gold that grew from me, I swear.
I now had one absolutely awesome point of view,
You should really try it; just use feathers and some glue.

In an effort to fly higher, I came across six deer,
As to how they even got there, to me it was unclear.
I looked around for Santa and he was nowhere to be found,
And there’s no way I could miss him for he is so big and round.

Past twenty hairy pelicans and thirteen purple bats
I came across some furry friends, those stinkin’ bandit cats
On what looked to be a convoy, there it was for all to see
My multi-vision platinum colored plasma screen TV.

I went straight to chasing them, flying through the air,
Swooping down upon them, I’d give them all a scare.
So I took a dive straight downward like a bullet from the sky.
They wouldn’t see me coming for they’ve never seen me fly,

Now I’d like to say I dove down in a perfect bird-like drop,
But really all I did was fall, I knew not how to stop.
I was falling way too fast that I couldn’t spread my wings,
And like a rocket, I was headed for those furry things.

As crazy as it sounds, I landed safe, without a scratch,
Right next to the TV and on top of a small latch.
I must have hit some button for the TV flew up high,
Carried by two wings of gold, up high into the sky.

I looked over my shoulder to see my wings had disappeared,
I was robbed by my own TV, this day was really weird.
I was now at the mercy of several very angry cats,
Giving me some evil looks while wearing all my hats.

There was my beanie and my baseball and my aviator cap,
And my straw hat and my top hat and my balaclava wrap
Each cat wore a different one on top their furry crown,
And all at once they pounced on me and knocked me upside down.

I closed my eyes and wished I was back safely in my bed,
That’s when I swear I heard a voice say “Wake up sleepy head.”
After opening my eyes, I realized it was a dream,
With mom and dad above me asking why on earth I screamed,
I told them all about it, how I slid and flew and fell,
The falling part was likely what had loudly made me yell.
I told them that from now on I won’t watch so much TV,
Books are so much better for me, wouldn’t you agree?
And mom and dad, I think it’s time, yes, I really need it,
Can we please just get a dog, I know just what I’d feed it.